Its hard.

One of the first things people would say to me when I was pregnant with Ewan was hard how it was going to become having two young children. I brushed it off completely, I mean how hard can it be?
Well take it from me, its hard.
Recently I've been feeling so over-whelmed by everything. You know that feeling when it feels like you are giving every part of your life 110% yet the balance just seems to be completely off? Thats how I feel. My life feels like one big chase, catching up everything I need to get done.
I feel as though there is so much pressure put upon us as mum's nowadays and its hard to ignore it as much as I try. Pressure to have well-behaved, highly-intelligent, impeccably dressed, healthy fed, immaculately clean, over achieving children. Not to forget the spotless house, amazing oh my god how do you look so good mum figure I feel we are expected to have as well as somewhere in all this taking time out for your relationship or marriage. Please somebody tell me how on earth I am meant to achieve all this?

I want to give my children every ounce of enthusiasm, attention and love I have got but having to split yourself into so many different parts is so difficult.

I am a solo-parent for 6 days a weekend from 7.30am-7pm (unless Joe has the weekend off but thats only one in three at the minute!). I am responsible for drop offs, pick ups, any appointments, any clubs, lessons, parties. I am the cleaner, the food shopper, the chef, the teacher, the organiser amongst many other things! I find the days when I have both children on my own are the hardest, Evie will play up massively the second I need to give Ewan my full attention. But unless Ewan is safely in his highchair or Jumperoo I can't take my eyes off of him to give Evie my full attention otherwise theres a good chance Ewan will escape off and cause himself danger and the house havoc.
When Ewan is napping I have jobs to endlessly apply for, a house to clean and keep on top off and at some point I need to sit down with Evie and give her my full attention even if its for 15 minutes.

Evie attends a pre-school nursery 3 days a week 9-3 and in this time I do my best to cram everything I need to into that sacred nap time Ewan has. I split the time in half between cleaning and applying for jobs and if I'm lucky I'll have a quick wee and phone break where I flick through social media and try not to feel guilty for it. I feel these days are so important for Ewan to have some of my attention, so we can play, go for walks, I tend to talk aimlessly at him as though as he'll reply back. But its give us the time we need to build upon that amazing bond have.

You could say don't do the cleaning leave it for another day but try telling my OCD that. I can't sit on the couch and relax at night knowing the house is a mess and I'll have to somehow catch up even more so than usual the next day. You could say let Ewan go to bed earlier and give Evie half an hour but pre-school at the minute is exhausting her, she is learning so much she's usually the one asking for bath and bedtime!

I've near enough sacked off the idea of getting rid of this mum tum for now, me and Joe together are trying to eat healthily and I'm trying to walk more and drive less but realistically by half 7 at night the last thing I want to do is cook dinner and then head out to the gym. Me and Joe get very little time together as it is and for not I'm not willing to cut into that any further. I mean he loves me for my mum tum and bingo wings too surely?

Having two children is harder than I could ever have imagined, anybody who has more, does it all single handedly, you are absolute god sends and I honestly don't know how you do it.

You people out there who critise and judge us when we look like bedraggled messes, no doubt covered in snot, stickers or sick with two tired crying children stood in that Sainsbury's queue buying the laziest dinner we can think of for them both with a bar of chocolate and some form of alcohol. Cut us some slack. We're trying our best and I think its a god damn good effort!

Much Love

P.S this is by no means a sympathy vote, I love my children to the moon and back and I wouldn’t change them or my life for the world. It’s just a post for other mums who might be feeling exactly the same as me, that need to hear somebody else on this planet is too feeling the same way! X


  1. I could of written this myself bar the alcohol. Feels like you can never keep every plate spinning. You just have to prioritise :-)


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