Going Back to Work

One of the main topics of conversation at the minute is me going to back to work, me and Joe seem to be stuck in a cycle of what we should do. So I figured I'd stick everything into a post and see if anybody could shine some light on the situation for me. Don't get me wrong this could end up becoming very rant like and not a well structured blog post at all!

Basically the cycle stands as such,
1) I stay at home, Evie's 30 hours free childcare drops to 15.  I don't try and find any work until Evie goes to school in September freeing up more hours where we won't be topping up childcare as much and would hopefully only need to fund after school clubs.

But then I want to teach my children that you have to work hard for what you want in life. I don't want them thinking you get nice things handed to you on a plate. I need some amount of time every week where I am Sophie not Mummy. Which brings me to option 2...

2) I work part time, 3/4 days a week where Joe could be daddy daycare for one of the days where he isn't at work during the week.  It would mean we would need top up Evie's childcare to cover the extra hours either side of the usual 9-3 she does to accommodate for the fact I probably aren't going to work a half 8-half 2 job and need to travel to wherever I am working. It would mean we need to fund Ewan's nursery fees and although we would be eligible for a tax free childcare account we are still left mega out of pocket every month.

But then it would most likely mean I come out at the end of the month with £20-£80 or with not as good pay sometimes minus figures. It would mean me leaving Ewan in a nursery or at a childminders which would break my heart. Since moving away from our friends and family at home Ewan never really leaves my side. I know at some point he will have to and its only normal for them to do so but it forces me to near tears every time I think about it. So option 3...

3) I work full time. I work a standard 9-4 Monday-Friday job. Both of the kids would be in nursery 4 days a week with Joe looking after them on the other. I would hopefully come out with a little more a month and would have to grow to accept that somebody was going to be raising my children for the vast majority of the time. It would mean we would sacrifice the sometimes only 1 day a week we have together as a family.

And then theres the dream option...

4) My blog and Instagram takes off.  It helps pay the bills and means I can work around my children, I can bring them up myself and look for part time work when Evie has gone to school and Ewan is that little bit older. Its a dream world I know as I am so so so far away from ever achieving that but I can dream hey?

I feel as though as a family of 2 married parents who are both trying to work to provide the best for our children we are being punished. We are being punished for dragging our arses off of the couch and making a living for ourselves. I'm stuck in a catch 22 situation, I want to be bringing money into the household, money that would mean we can save more, afford more holidays, to show our children new experiences,  know we were comfortable even if times got rough but I am instead being forced to spend that on childcare to pay for somebody else to essentially raise my children. Its either that or I don't work and we rely on one income.
My husband works such long hours, there are days he can leave the house at 7.15 am and not return until 8.30 pm, this means I'm the drop off and pick up taxi. He works every 2 in 3 weekends, so I can't work weekends, I can't work a job that has shifts that start in the afternoon and finish in an evening because who will cover the childcare when nursery shuts at 6 and neither parents are there for pick up? I've looked at overnight jobs, jobs where I would start at 11pm and finish at 5/6am. Come have a few hours sleep before I become Mummy again for the day. But Joe doesn't want that for me, what sort of life would we lead? How would we ever see each other? How would I survive trying to work all night and then entertain 2 young children all day?
It angers me that me and Joe sit and scroll through page after page of jobs trying to find something that fits, the Joe works endless amounts of hours trying to better himself for us a family when there are people out there who take every penny they can get. They don't worry about everything I'm worrying about now. They get everyday with their children, everyday to watch them grow and change into the little independent people they are. They find excuses, they have no work ethic, they have no realisation of what other middle class families go through on a day to day basis juggling everything they do. It angers me that its accepted, allowed, no questions asked most of the time. Don't get me wrong me and Joe could do exactly the same, but then what are we teaching our children?

Much Love


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